Adventurer's lost and found.

I woke up rested and calm. I treasure every free day I have right now; it's not going to last for long. Z has finally returned to her normal relaxed, carefree and jovial self, her antics bring me so much joy. The air in my room was cold this morning; I'm not the biggest fan of heating. I peered through the gap in my curtains and out the window I noticed snowflakes floated downward through the opaque sky, good start to the day. 

I had Mum and Dads Christmas present sitting on the dining table in its worn long distance Australia Post envelope. Today was the day I'd open it. The package arrived on NYE, but I was still in a very fragile place, and I didn't want to disrupt the stable vibe I had manifested for my self. NYE is hit or miss in my shoes and as it happened this year was quite literally a BIG miss! 

A compass! I wondered if somehow she had known I would be as lost as I am right now when she sent it or at least that she would know of the myriad of problems and grievances I would be in need to sort through. She has it inscribed;

" To my son. Wherever your journey in life may take you.

I pray you'll always be safe. 

Enjoy the ride, and never forget your way back home. 

I'm always here for you."

Oh, Yes, I cried. 

My mother is without a shadow of a doubt, the most wonderful person in the world. I know that we all say that about our mothers, but I genuinely feel I am extraordinarily blessed. She has given me so much love and such admirable lessons. Her achievements in life are such a wonderful path to follow. 

I am now in a position of order, both in my surroundings and soul. My computer is updated and optimised. My home is immaculate, and every corner has been washed and arranged. All the hard drives are intricately being examined and re-filed like a buro of the lost and found. 

I will keep Mums compass on my desk in front of me. I hope it will keep me on the straight and narrow with clarity and focus. I'm ready for this time of nostalgic reflection on my old self and life. 

The opening photo was of me when I was 5 years old; it was 82. We were on the fairy from lower Manhattan to Liberty Island. I was obsessed with lady liberty; truth told I still am. Someone, likely mum, had bought me a mini camera. You would look through the viewfinder, and when you clicked the button, the 3D slide inside would change. The images were all of NYC; I loved the thing. I remember climbing up on the bench with all the people around me watching and thrusting the camera up in the air, pretending to be the liberty queen herself. I love that photo; I love that I did it, I love that Mum captured the moment and I love that its a camera I'm holding; all so ironically intuitive ... Its why I called my first exhibition Liberty. 

I'm just shy of 44; I left Australia 22 years ago. I have lived at least 10 lives since I left. My life has been innumerably rich and chaotic with all sorts of experiences, many immeasurably fabulous and some incredibly ugly. For every shity card I was ever dealt, I took a wildcard as a replacement and flung a bird back at it. I've lived, and I have embraced every chance I was given. I have my Mum to thank for so much of that. I think to my self now... I have 22 years left to make as much magic happen as possible. Every place I want to see things I want to do, experience to have. I will be 66 if I make it that long; time to get cracking without a second to lose...

There are 38'378 new cases in Germany since my last post, and another 911 souls lost their lives over the last 3 days. 

I have been sober for 8 days. 

Today was a good day. I feel grounded.